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♥ Friday, February 09, 2007
8:44 PM

Reading my header, you will know - upsetting day.

Well, yes. It started last evening. Over the room we have to stay. Already enduring the fact the flat will never come in time and Dar is quite reluctant to rent the flat because of some factors which I also understand and felt the very same. I decided to compromise to stay at his house and my house at times. But who know, some one thinks that I will occupy the place, forcing that person to take toilet queue in the morning etc. Why on earth is there such a self-centered person? For sure I know, when I treat that person nice, that person thinks I am trying to gain some thing out of it. So cold or hurtful most of the time, when that person is nice to me, I also suspect that there is a motive behind and BINGO! Simply nothing but truth I speak of.

Well, hurtful words once spoken is unable to recapture back. I cried for an hour non-stop. In front of my sister, I expressed my woes to her; my unhappiness of happening from courtship to current. First time, she saw me reacting this way. To her, I am always a 'princess' at home and well treated. Imaging years of withstanding, suppressing the issues and always putting up the happy face in front of my family, especially my mum. Till recent, some truth slowly uncovered and they finally understand why I am so bad tempered at times.

Even when Dar called me and told me how his parents had spoken to him individually and welcome me to stay. It's going to be a firm NO. No point letting him be the middleman and make life miserable for him later. If I move in, soon or later, the bomb will explore.

I cried myself to sleep. Morning, I woke up thinking I will just throw away these unhappiness but who knows in office, when my close colleagues asked on status of preparations, I cried. Not trying to win sympathy votes from those around me but they know me well. I controlled, if not, I know, my colleagues will cry with me :( Thanks gals for giving the support always!

The strong self of me is gone..

Just give me the chance to let go for awhile before I pick myself up again.

This is why I am being called WOMAN and He is a man.